Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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