So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
