just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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