Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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