i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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