Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
