I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
