not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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