I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
