Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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