so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
