I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I deserve this hangover.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
