That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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