we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
