I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
