The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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