he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
