4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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