grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
