So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
