he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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