I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you didnt know i had herpes?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
