Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
