You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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