I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
