wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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