She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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