brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The air taste purple.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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