should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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