i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
