it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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