in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.