You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
