Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
