Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
