We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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