I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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