everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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