she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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