Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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