I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
