Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
