The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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