hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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