let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
