I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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