I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
