Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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