No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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