Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
