Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
