He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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