sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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