its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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