apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
