Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
