yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
