My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
