he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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