I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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