I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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