i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
