This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
