I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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