I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
