we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
