just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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